The UGLY Truth Of Letting Go

The self-development community paints Letting go as a magic bullet for all life problems. Gurus yell from their rooftops that you should let go in order to feel better. And we all know there is a lot of letting go these days for all of us. Changes are happening on all levels of our life. 

Now, I am a big proponent of healthy detachment and letting go. Mostly, because we are always in passing, so actually it’s a necessity. We shouldn’t cling to anything or anyone without risking the pain of stagnation... Unless we change things up, and evolve, as we go. And before I move on to the meat of this article I want to emphasise that I can vouch for some amazing outcomes after I let go.

Ok, so what is the ugly truth from the title then?

Let me share something that happened lately so that you can understand.

Over a year ago I experienced a snowball of letting go. My spirit decided to present me with with a number of situations where I had to choose. And the song “should I stay or should I go?” comes to mind... Many, many times I chose to GO. I let go of life-long relationship, friendships, money, home, family members...

The amount and intensity of these breakups resulted in a shock trauma. This threw me into diagnosed post traumatic stress disorder.

At some point there was nothing left in my life which had been a part of my life only a few months before this. Without being dramatic it felt like a bunch of people died on me. The pain after letting go was insane. 

Yep, this is what I consider the ugly truth of letting go.

… The good thing was that I still had my mind and the connection to my Core Self.

My mind (knowing all that I know about mind+body+soul) guided my choices to healing the ptsd. I’m clearing the remains of grief and sadness and stepping into my new self. I’m creating again. I feel alive. And free. Feels like spring has arrived.

So this is my story. But what is the meaning? 

You can do the letting go, but you’re not immune to the pain of loss. Not all letting go feels immediately good. 

For when you let go of something or someone you have to let go of a version of yourself that invested in the relationship or a way of being, or having.

In other words, in one moment of letting go you have to bury the thing you let go off and yourself. This is literally the Phoenix from ashes scenario…

So I let go of the self that was defined in the relationship. But then after months of healing I had to let go of the self that was traumatised by the losses. Then I let go of that transition state into a self that's focused on rebuilding and visioning... You see, it’s a constant wheel of stepping into your new self. The one that’s required for your growth. And the release again… By having this understanding of life cycles it will be easier for you to step into the unknown when the time comes. 

Choosing yourself in these moments, which letting go actually is, is like a Big Bang. Destruction and creation all springing from the same moment. 

On one hand there is the attachment to what you’ve built, created or invested in. On the other there are your unfulfilled hopes, desires that you had held in your heart related to that thing. And you have to take it all down with one gracious sweep before you can find a new level of liberation.

And a new way of being.

A new you that lives without it.

Now a journaling prompt for you, my dear:

What are you afraid to let go off? What suffering are you choosing over the uncomfortable prospect of reinventing? Is it a person, a state you’re in? A circumstance? What are you identifying yourself with that’s detrimental to your growth? Be honest for once.

[ Ask your heart and your body, not your head. ]

Yes, there is a pain of loss even if you do the cutting. I’m not going to lie. And you have to be ready to grieve and heal the losses. But as you witness yourself, you realise that you’re bigger than before. Maybe a little bruised from all that emotional wrestling. But bigger. And more mature.

And the good old advice here is that the sooner you can let go, the less pain you will suffer. And of course, the longer you cling, the harder the crush will be.

Remember, as you burn the bridges, as you cut the ties, as you walk away – you are paving the path into your new self.

You raise above.

You realise that you’ve never lost your old self. You contained and integrated her (or him) inside you.

Please forward this article to a person who might need to hear this.

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