Why Is It So Hard To Set A Boundary (And Stick To It?)

I have overheard an interesting conversation lately. 

A family of 3 generations on the beach was doing whatever families do. The little vivacious girl wanted to do all the fun things that usually come to your mind when you’re 5. She was trying to go deeper into the ocean, she was making all the acrobatic tricks and so on. The mother was taking care of the girl, making sure she played safely. What the grandma was doing, she was trying to meddle. Despite the mom’s intent of trying to stop the girl from getting deeper into the ocean, the grandma kept interrupting encouraging the girl to go and have fun. Mum was clearly uncomfortable and I assumed that the grandma must have been her mother-in-law. At some point the mum's patience reached the limit and she wanted to stop grandma’s meddling in protecting her daughter’s wellbeing. She tried to state the boundary. And she did this oh so painfully. It looked like she was suffering so badly when trying to draw the line. She mumbled, squirmed and after a while of absorbing the grandma's frown, the mother just followed her daughter into the ocean to keep her company. Unfortunately, she gave in and didn’t keep her position. It was even painful to watch...

I know exactly how the mum felt. Do you as well? Have you been in a similar position?

Ok, so what’s the mechanism of this and how to change it?

95-97% of your choices come from your subconscious mind. Maybe that’s something you already know. So most people are at a loss by simply re-living the old choices over and over. The old habits live in your bodymind forcing you to do what you’ve done before. And if you never felt confident to stand your ground then it's a felt experience that you’re going against. It is almost a physical pain to utter the words you need to when you want to speak your mind, Right? We’ve all been there.

The thing is that your mindbody is your subconscious mind. Your body has memorised your past all too well… So using your mind alone you have literally 3-5% of success.

Whaaaaat? 

Yep, a measly 3-5%. No wonder it’s so hard to pull this off.

Now, dear friend, what would increase the rate of your success?

Well, you need to engage your mindbody together. 
It’s all about finding comfort in going against an outdated response and finding freedom in making a new choice. Sounds simple? It’s not. Especially not when you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. It’s something that I teach with passion in my Embodied Reintegration (yay! I’ve updated my offering and this is the result). If you choose to experiment on your own I suggest you start by slowing down the whole process and allowing yourself to be completely present with yourself. Anchored deeply inside your body. A lot of it comes down to finding the groundedness that gives you the support you miss when feeling like you need to fight, defend and explain. It then becomes quite a simple act of following your values and less about the other person. From this space, you can create life as you want it to be. On your terms.

I’m super excited to share all about my Embodied Reintegration 1:1 coaching with you. You can learn all about it here.